The refusal cites 2015, when coordinating quake aid went badly — Kathmandu heard a flood coming and reached for a guest list. 🦆
Because Someone Had to Ruin Your Day
The calendar committee saw International Day of the Victims of Enforced Disappearances on the docket and scheduled National Toasted Marshmallow Day right beside it. That's the emotional range of a parking meter. Somewhere a brand account is drafting one post to honor both, and legal will not catch it in time.
And now, the rest of it.
The refusal cites 2015, when coordinating quake aid went badly — Kathmandu heard a flood coming and reached for a guest list. 🦆
The first blast was the lesson; somebody graded it optional. 34 of the 37 dead lived in the home next door. Zelensky: 'terrible negligence.' 🦆
The Pentagon's cut is 35%, bought with "penny warrants" — a third of a nation's oil for couch-cushion change. 🦆
Measles just cleared 2,777 cases — a disease this country had in a headlock before the internet could scream. The man hired to fight it looked at the dead and demanded a recount. The sitting health secretary said the deaths "may even have been altogether fabricated": the virus is real, the funerals are the conspiracy. Robert F. Kennedy Jr. is world-class at one thing: doubting whatever's in front of him. The government handed him the one job where that's the whole disqualification — like promoting the iceberg to captain. While he accuses Governor Shapiro of "giddy delight," Pennsylvania's coroner and health department are litigating a preposition over a dead newborn. "With" versus "of," grown officials in a grammar brawl with a virus that doesn't speak English. That's the machine: lose to the disease, sue the scoreboard. 🦆
He's one of roughly 22,000 flown to countries that aren't theirs; when a judge says no, America doesn't appeal — it re-labels the crate. 🦆
USPS vowed to hold states' ballots until they upload voter rolls to a federal portal — a ransom note that delivers itself. 🦆
"Well, he died. You don't get any older than that."— Joseph Heller
First trial to ever check: 30% fewer heart attacks. To medicine an old heart is a checked bag — ask yours to insure it this week. 🦆
Nightly for a year was linked to ~90% higher heart failure odds. Sleep is free for every worm in the mud; ask a doctor before you quit yours cold. 🦆
Same team linked the same shot to lower dementia risk. One needle may guard heart and memory; the holdup, as ever, is you. 🦆
Convicted for candles, facing ten years, she posted the plea online in full — the court fears her sentences more than she fears theirs. 🦆
The White House tried to kill it last year; it launched Sunday anyway — $4.3 billion of spite aimed at worlds nobody has ever watched. 🦆
The plasma keeps the shape of whatever made it, and neon is lumpy. Creation, rebuilt from lung gas and motel-sign gas, came out looking like league night. 🦆
100 megabits down from 400,000 km out; 1.25 back up — upload speed, the one law no civilization, no distance, no laser has ever broken. 🦆
It heard 175,000 signals humans missed — possibly ancient seafloor that sank to the bottom. The planet talks; we let it go to voicemail. 🦆
It went off 454 million years ago and ashed northern Europe; England took the apocalypse, labeled it, and filed it next to its feelings. 🦆
That's the firehose. Read the label on whatever you swallow at bedtime, mail anything important like the window is closing, lock up your garbage because something hungrier than you is making rounds, and go check your oldest drawer — apparently that's where the good stuff hides now. Tomorrow is National Trail Mix Day and National Eat Outside Day. Trail mix is chocolate wearing a raisin costume for plausible deniability, and you will still eat around the raisins like everyone else. Eating outside is the same sandwich with more witnesses and one seagull that has been casing you since noon.
Until next time —
Ya roasted!
— Roastie