The Roastie Digest

The U.S. strikes killed 18, two of them children, Iran says. Trump's casualty report: "took out all of the new equipment." 🦆

She co-founded Ms. in 1972 — the first national magazine run by women, a "first" arriving so late it's less milestone than confession. 🦆

Odds it strengthens: nearly 100%. Guterres: "supersized before our eyes." The Pacific isn't upselling you — you're the meal. 🦆

The monopolist keeps its ad exchange and gets 30 days to help write its own final judgment. Steal a sandwich and ask to co-write the sentence. 🦆

The papers-please agency stopped checking its own people's papers — this from the official who ran the vetting. ICE, an outfit whose entire skill set is demanding documents from strangers at six in the morning, marched recruits into training with failed drug tests and disqualifying records already on file. The file! They HAD the file! The one thing these people are world-class at is keeping files on human beings, and the one folder marked "do not hire this guy" got skimmed like the terms and conditions. Eighteen, no diploma, fifty grand to sign — old enough to detain your neighbor, too young to rent the van, and your landlord dug harder for a studio with a hot plate. Even the instructor hired to train them quit, torching the program as "deficient, defective and broken" on the way out. Empires used to fall to barbarians at the gates. This one skipped the gate check and put them on payroll. 🦆

Built in weeks, it freezes a whole batch of ballots over one bad scan — zero tolerance for your envelope, infinite patience for itself. 🦆

Investigators allegedly wrote 'credible threat of gun violence,' recommended calling police, and the memo died in a meeting about messaging. 🦆

They read hundreds of studies so Washington didn't have to: the shots still prevent severe illness and death. Roll up the damn sleeve. 🦆

Alcohol-cancer deaths more than doubled since 1990 — 23,126 in 2023. Less is better, none is best: finally, a bar set on the floor. 🦆

Small study, few bucks a tub — ask your doctor. The whole program is swallowing, the one exercise you've never skipped. 🦆

ESA livestreamed the scariest moment on purpose: eight years of aim from the species that rage-closes a webpage for loading slow. 🦆

The gut bug behind your recalled romaine read four lab-made letters clean — nature was too lazy to invent them in four billion years. 🦆

Under $15 million — less than a mediocre brownstone — and the messages aboard were chosen by children, because adults had their shot. 🦆

The pole hid from Earth for a decade and spent it doing flawless geometry in the dark — no brain, no protractor. Never stop, you showoff. 🦆