Baghdad answered a hole in the planet's fuel line with one fired commander and one investigation — pure district manager. Brent hit $108. 🦆
Your Daily Reminder That No One’s In Charge
Today is National Chocolate Milkshake Day and National Video Games Day, which means the calendar has formally given up on you leaving the house. A milkshake is just ice cream that quit its job to fit in a cupholder. Stack the two together and you've got the official state fair of the couch.
Alright, into the wreckage.
Baghdad answered a hole in the planet's fuel line with one fired commander and one investigation — pure district manager. Brent hit $108. 🦆
Diesel hauls everything you own and it's up 63% in a year; markets put a hike at 90%, so you pay twice — at the pump, then at the bank. 🦆
This strain has no approved vaccine, the response is $1.1 billion short, and every withheld dollar bets a virus respects a border. 🦆
That "refueling station" was a spare diesel tank — required gear for a 2,000km trip with no gas pumps. Being prepared is a capital offense. 🦆
It takes a lifetime to become a federal appeals judge — law school, decades of practice, the robe — and Trump-appointed literalist Kurt Engelhardt spent every year of it flunking a question a golden retriever passes on smell: should the water have lead in it? Jackson, Mississippi asked, and he went zero for two. No constitutional right to safe drinking water. No right to truthful information from officials during a public health crisis — so a city can hand you the poison AND the pamphlet calling it fine. His own words: "the Constitution does not provide redress for every governmental wrongdoing." Every. It was one wrongdoing, sir. It was the water. He read the one document that opens "We the People" the way a landlord reads a lease — not for what it promises, but for what he can prove it never did. 🦆
"I got my hair highlighted because I thought some strands were more important than others."— Mitch Hedberg
The shots run $11k a head — the same week Cape Cod air-dropped 75,000 free rabies vaccines to wild raccoons. You built the helicopter. 🦆
74,000 men: daily use linked to 22% higher glaucoma risk. Don't quit cold — ask your doctor for an eye exam. First invoice your eyes ever sent. 🦆
Brisk means about 80 steps a minute. Walk like death is doing 79. 🦆
Wheat's at a two-year high, Egypt's imports fell 41 percent, and the coverage went stale before the bread did. 🦆
It waited 115 million years under half a kilometer of rock, and we still only found it because your outlets needed copper. 🦆
Solid and liquid at once, and it may run Uranus and Neptune's deranged magnetic fields — you, the same molecule, whimper at a cold shower. 🦆
They may be the seeds of the supernovae we use to measure the universe — decades in a free public folder while a whole field walked past. 🦆
That light left before humans existed. Point the telescope up for once instead of the neighbor's hot tub. 🦆
One modder wired the fly's courtship circuit to the fire button: the hornier the fly, the harder it shoots. More drive than your entire year. 🦆
That's the firehose. Walk faster than feels dignified, it's apparently medicine now. Don't pet anything that seems suspiciously happy to see you. Read the fine print on whatever your doctor has you taking, and go ahead and buy the water filter, because it turns out nobody upstairs owes you one. Tomorrow is National Peanut Day, and I will not be celebrating the legumes — smug little impostors who never lost anyone and still insist on calling themselves nuts. It's also International Chocolate Day and Roald Dahl Day, which tracks, because Dahl wrote an entire book about candy luring children into industrial accidents and we made it a bedtime story.
Until next time —
Ya roasted!
— Roastie