The newsrooms are "shielded" by an editorial independence board his own board appoints — a guard dog that sleeps in his bed. 🦆
Start Your Day the Roastie Way!
Happy World Rhino Day to a two-ton armored tank we nearly deleted because somebody decided its face was a supplement. The supplement doesn't work. It's also World Car Free Day, the annual invitation to try public transit: cities will pretend the bus exists, and the bus will pretend right back.
And now, the damage.
The newsrooms are "shielded" by an editorial independence board his own board appoints — a guard dog that sleeps in his bed. 🦆
JAPAN: 832 millimeters in 48 hours; a plane wrestled the Haneda crosswind onto the runway and the cabin applauded — an ovation for the weather. 🦆
RUSSIA: A Carnegie analyst says Putin will read the landslide as Russia begging for more war — while actual appetite to end it keeps rising. 🦆
Suicidal thoughts fell from 20 percent to 14 — and RFK Jr.'s health department shipped the good news dressed as a food survey. 🦆
The United States military can put a missile through a specific window on another continent. It spent a year vaporizing 68 boats and 223 human beings for allegedly carrying drugs. Pulling a boat over — a trick the Coast Guard teaches rookies — was somehow off the table. The UN's counterterrorism rapporteur, Ben Saul, just filed the paperwork on it: serial extrajudicial killings, possibly crimes against humanity of murder. Drug smuggling isn't an "armed attack," and interception was sitting right there. But a stop is paperwork and an explosion is a press release. The administration calls it self-defense, which is a hell of a word for whichever side still has a navy. And the cocaine never missed a delivery. Two hundred twenty-three dead, zero fewer kilos — and the only trial anyone's demanding now is theirs. 🦆
That's the punishment tier for lying about a semester abroad. The workers still can't leave the compounds; the owners just can't come here. 🦆
The fix earned a 'cease and desist' — the letter you mail a man selling fake Rolexes. A working 2022 check found hundreds of missed alerts. 🦆
"The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."— Gore Vidal
Tied to 29% higher hypertension risk in 112,395 adults — the deli ham engineered to never die may be billing your arteries for it. 🦆
Eligible iPhone 15 Pro and 16 buyers have until December 21 to file — write it on paper, since trusting Siri with dates is how the money got here. 🦆
Thirty-plus experts back her appeal, and the promised fix is ward cameras: wiring the crime scene before confirming the crime. 🦆
DR CONGO: One marcher dead, the opposition says, dozens arrested, parliament cleared a June referendum — the people who paid aren't the ones who left. 🦆
The signal crossed sixty-three light-years of nothing to reach the one species that screens every call. Seven more planets are next. 🦆
Their harvest festivals drifted off the actual harvest — every bullet-journal evangelist crawling back to Google Calendar by March. 🦆
Made of edible materials, it runs a device inside you for days. Every machine we've ever made overstays; these maniacs taught one to leave. 🦆
Air traffic control runs on a strand of glass a shovel can reach. The cable was fixed by evening; the design was not. 🦆
Forecasters expect a historic El Niño, so Newsom signed early — a coroner dating the certificate while the patient's in the waiting room. 🦆
Researchers needed microscopy to catch what the carvers did by eye — humanity's high score for listening to a material is 18,000 years old. 🦆
That's the firehose. Ask your snacks what's really in them, assume your flight is theoretical until the plane is visibly attached to a gate, and buy the sandbags before the emergency gets its press conference. Tomorrow is National Great American Pot Pie Day, the festival of hiding your problems under a crust, joined by Bi Visibility Day and the International Day of Sign Languages. One honors people who were here and visible the whole time, and the other is the only language no senator has ever droned in — both improvements on how Wednesdays usually go.
Until next time —
Ya roasted!
— Roastie