Treasury yields just hit their highest since 2004, so Americans tour houses like a museum of how people used to live. 🦆
Our Content Hugs You Like a Guillotine
It's National Lobster Day, the only holiday where we honor the guest by boiling him alive and billing his family market price. It's also World Pharmacists Day — six years of school to count by fives behind plexiglass while a grown man screams about a coupon. Salute your pharmacist today. That person is holding your entire bloodstream in a paper bag.
Now, regrettably, the news.
Treasury yields just hit their highest since 2004, so Americans tour houses like a museum of how people used to live. 🦆
Iran's exit plan takes seven days start to finish; the one government that can't find seven days is seven months into the war. 🦆
A desegregation order isn't paperwork — it's a judge standing over a school district that got caught segregating children, and not leaving until the district proves it stopped. The Justice Department's Civil Rights Division is the one office in America whose entire job is written on the door. Thursday it moved to kill more than fifty of those orders — Mississippi, Tennessee, Georgia, decrees standing since the 1960s. That's not fifty districts proving a damn thing; that's the referee leaving the field and declaring the game clean from the parking lot. The office's own Harmeet Dhillon calls the orders "onerous and outdated," says the oversight "does not reflect the reality of those classrooms today." Seatbelt logic: nobody's hit the windshield in years, so cut the belt. Give it a few semesters; the reality will be adjusted to match. Kristen Clarke calls it a stain on our democracy. Generous. Stains are accidents. This one has a docket number. 🦆
PENNSYLVANIA: Still climbing, and the CDC logged the year's first death but filed the state under "somewhere" — same trick hiding Pennsylvania's four. 🦆
92% of this year's detention growth is people convicted of nothing — the empty cages are the comedy, the full ones are the mission. 🦆
SAUDI ARABIA: France's army guards a Saudi oil terminal 'not to engage in any conflicts,' Macron swears — a man in a burning building here for the safe. 🦆
ARGENTINA: Math a child could check — and with 45 percent of under-15s now poor, Argentina has never had more kids positioned to check it. 🦆
"An actress is not a machine, but they treat you like a machine. A money machine."— Marilyn Monroe
Each 100 grams a day is also linked to 4 percent more cancer; dietitians say adding produce beats cutting alone — the cookies get outvoted. 🦆
The steepest decline hit people whose blood already had plenty — anyone dosing without a proven deficiency asks for one blood test before the next refill. 🦆
Anyone that age with a clean heart asks for the plaque-counting heart scan before hiring a bouncer for one door when time owns every window. 🦆
592 California cutters sick, 31 dead, hundreds of their lawsuits shredded — and the coverage flatlined before any of them did. 🦆
The minister says no serial-killer evidence yet, nothing excluded — the phrasing of someone holding eight open files and no string. 🦆
Officers have weighed SNAP, Medicaid and school lunch against applicants since Sept 18; it won't be a story until it closes on someone. 🦆
Blazar jets were always other galaxies' monsters. This one's 12,000 light-years out — the call is coming from inside the house. 🦆
CANADA: 390 million years old, would be the largest since Greenland's 2018 find — and every satellite-armed geologist alive stared straight past it. 🦆
Norway's oil giant found 20-plus wads in its drill cores — the finest thing an oil company ever pulled from the seafloor is monster vomit. 🦆
Nameless since 1981, the rock will outlast the oceans — the man who dressed as everybody else outlives everybody else. Al wins. 🦆
It's in fake pills tied to at least 55 US deaths; naloxone can't reverse it, test strips can't see it. Fentanyl is now the legacy product. 🦆
Ballot-grabbing sheriff Chad Bianco is running for governor — other candidates promise what they'd do with power, and he demonstrated. 🦆
CHICAGO: The name means 'Jean's crawler,' and the permanent record of life on Earth doesn't rot — every bouquet and brunch is playing for second. 🦆
That's the firehose. Sign nothing with a 30-year number on it, stop swallowing pills your blood never asked for, and zoom out on the satellite map before you pitch a tent — the ground has history. Tomorrow is the International Day for the Total Elimination of Nuclear Weapons, a holiday the warheads have politely ignored every single year since it was invented. It shares the calendar with National Pancake Day, and of the two flat things humanity has promised to deliver, only the pancakes will show up.
Until next time —
Ya roasted!
— Roastie