RIYADH: Third missile in seven days, deadliest Gulf attack since the Iran war — and "We move very quickly" from the man who decided nothing. 🦆
Tomorrow’s Doom, Today!
It's National Coming Out Day — come out swinging, sweetheart; the group chat has known since your "roommate" started appearing in every photo. It shares the calendar with National Sausage Pizza Day, because the committee saw a day about living your truth and added a meat tube. One took courage. The other took a Totino's.
Right. To the firehose.
RIYADH: Third missile in seven days, deadliest Gulf attack since the Iran war — and "We move very quickly" from the man who decided nothing. 🦆
The first shipment covers about fifteen hours of US demand — America sold out a wartime ally free with a purchase it burns through in a day. 🦆
NEW DELHI: Delhi cut the internet over 130 million missing names — you don't cut the fucking internet to defend an honest count, only the deletion. 🦆
DJIBOUTI: 15 of the dead were children, 116 still missing — on a route to Gulf jobs where the war zone was the safe leg and 922 died last year. 🦆
Follow the actual crime: Trump stripped credentials from CNN, MS NOW and Politico, five networks parked their pool camera in solidarity, and his Justice Department sicced the antitrust division on all five. The charge: insufficiently filming his face. An illegal "group boycott." Under the Sherman Act. Jonathan Kanter ran that exact division, and he says this is "not even in the same zip code of an antitrust violation. It's literally freedom of speech." Doesn't matter — the case isn't built to win, it's built to hurt. A press-freedom group says the real prize is the networks' internal files: refuse the king your camera and probable cause materializes on command. A century of breaking railroad barons, and the trustbusters are fetching a camera schedule like a shock collar taught them to. The republic dies in discovery. 🦆
He calls it "purposely invisible"; measles tops 4,000 US cases in plain sight. The invisible gets an NIH clinic, the visible gets the kids. 🦆
"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."— Groucho Marx
Up 20–30% across 200,000 people. Anyone grazing after dinner should knock it off a few hours before bed — the liver never agreed to nights. 🦆
23,517 Fitbits say so — association, not proof, but anyone with the family history can now walk like it's revenge. Their genes started it. 🦆
Small trial, but a daily unsalted handful lifted memory 5.8% — older adults, eat the smug little bastards and remember everything, forever. 🦆
DR CONGO: 4,242 dead, no approved vaccine, and the last count is four days stale — the graves are keeping better records than the press. 🦆
ALBERTA: Likely scavenging, not a kill — the apex predator stopped moving once and something it used to step over arrived with cutlery. 🦆
The researcher says it felt like getting hit by a bus. A bus made of teeth — you're only reading this because the driver turned to rock. 🦆
SCANDINAVIA: The skull was about 200 years old when it went in — every family heirloom traces back to this: a dead relative kept like a spare key. 🦆
The worst strain: zero percent of samples in 2011, 8.5 by 2023 — the species that split the atom is losing an arms race to diarrhea. 🦆
Every ton of loot comes with its own matchbook — USGS says they could set future deep-sea mining ships on fire. 🦆
That's the firehose. Eat dinner while the sun's still up, take the walk your genome is betting against, carry peanuts like your memory hired a bodyguard, and don't trust any rock just because it's been underwater. Tomorrow is National Gumbo Day, honoring the only dish honest enough to admit it's just everything in the pot holding a meeting. It splits the date with National Farmer's Day, when America thanks the people who grow its food by continuing to pay them in weather.
Until next time —
Ya roasted!
— Roastie