The Roastie Digest

Gas up 34%, wages losing since March, and designated White House shrugger Kevin Hassett called it 'disappointing,' as if he found it. 🦆

UKRAINE: Russia never accepted self-crowned peacemaker Trump's ceasefire. Kyiv honored it three days anyway. The only truce that held was between Trump and Putin's oil. 🦆

PERSIAN GULF: One hit a substation a football field from a UAE reactor. 24 sailors are dead at sea. Whoever typed "debris" over hits like that should never type again. 🦆

ANTARCTICA: Tides pry seawater under the ice twice a day, and cooling the ocean won't undo the loss. Every beachfront fortune rents its future from the moon. 🦆

Loading the ad was enough: Citizen Lab tied 45 Al Jazeera computers to it. Google dropped the firm and kept the machine that aims one banner at one person. 🦆

GUINEA-BISSAU: The CDC can trace one bad lettuce across forty states. It put $1.6 million toward watching half of about 14,000 newborns sit six weeks without a hepatitis B shot, in a country where more than 12% of adults carry the virus. That's not a trial. That's a coin flip with a liver on the losing side, played with other people's babies, autism reportedly on the outcome list. Those newborns aren't subjects. They're the control group for a grudge. Health Minister Quinhin Nantote outperformed the entire American public-health apparatus by checking whether anyone had asked. HHS produced "The study has not been approved," six words, its tightest work of the year. Last week this was "moving ahead." Ahead of the permission, it turns out. 🦆

CONGO: The rumor is the medicine contains Ebola. Hospital births fell 30%, maternal deaths rose nearly 70%. The virus found a cheaper vector than blood. 🦆

So 76 million people got a raise they can't budget, because the bill comes later. Announce both numbers at once. This is not hard. 🦆

Warning-shredding FDA chief Marty Makary: supply kept up 'but barely,' the pilot's line before the masks drop. Short a patch? Ask about a gel or spray. 🦆

PENNSYLVANIA: A sixth is under review, and the CDC is waiting on a coder to confirm measles killed people who died of measles. COUNT THE DEAD. 🦆

Found like most great science, by accident: two fragments fell against each other in a Stanford tank. They may have saved the reefs by not catching one. 🦆

RHODE ISLAND: 3,156 pounds, first past 3,000, weighed at home for $3,500 instead of at a $70,000 weigh-off. England ruled gourds as long as milk keeps. 🦆

Sodium in its atmosphere eats the orange light; the rest run pink, purple, yellow. A whole star class named for a color nobody checked. 🦆

TURKEY: The team found it four years ago and guessed the jars were a century old. Off by 4,500 years. That's what you get when scientists guess. 🦆

Owners wore headphones blasting rock so they couldn't hear the word and tip off the dog. The dogs needed no help; the humans had to be soundproofed. 🦆