Eighty-six senators passed it. The waiver has no end date, so it's a repeal in a fake mustache. Putin's envoy called it "truly historic." 🦆
You Opened This. Now We Own You.
Today is International Day for the Eradication of Poverty, the UN's annual reminder that poverty is still here and so is the committee. It's also National Pasta Day, for anyone who believes boiling water is a cuisine. Poverty gets a day, pasta gets a day, and only one of them has ever ended with somebody full.
Fork down. Here's the damage.
Eighty-six senators passed it. The waiver has no end date, so it's a repeal in a fake mustache. Putin's envoy called it "truly historic." 🦆
Interest on the debt hit a record $1.36 trillion, up 12%, and the Iran war is still funded. A five-year-high deficit has never once killed a war. 🦆
BRAZIL: Born-again tree hugger Flávio Bolsonaro vowed to end illegal clearing by 2029, a year before Lula would. Both agree the chainsaws run at least three more years. 🦆
CALIFORNIA: The Justice Department shoved over a thumb drive, stamped every name "likely noncitizen," gave the county forty-eight hours, then sued when two days wasn't enough to flunk strangers off a spreadsheet. Password-protected. Deadline-stamped. A ransom note that went to law school. The LA registrar said the list gave "no indication of the source, methodology, or verification of any information provided," which is government for "this came from a guy." Asked why it sued Los Angeles over voters registered in other counties, the nation's least curious law firm said, "They are statewide." That's not a legal theory, that's a shrug on letterhead. A UCLA law professor said he just doesn't see the federal authority; the department can't see the noncitizens either, which is why the filing says "likely" and makes a judge do the proving. Twenty thousand voters, one USB stick, zero methodology: the only election lawsuit you could lose between the couch cushions. 🦆
Hospital urine screens miss it too. The test that finally found it here was the autopsy, a smoke detector that goes off at the funeral. 🦆
YEMEN: The government's reply: more than 430 Houthis 'neutralised' in 24 hours. Unverifiable, but tallied like a census, from a state whose palace just took five missiles. 🦆
"Success and failure are both difficult to endure. Along with success come drugs, divorce, fornication, bullying, travel, meditation, medication, depression, neurosis and suicide. With failure comes failure."— Joseph Heller
Dexcom funded it. Type 2 adults not on insulin with an A1c over 7.5 should ask a doctor about a patch, then the insurer, who fails people for being sick. 🦆
FLORIDA: Nine dead, $16-20 billion in damage, and the request is sitting in a federal tray like a casserole nobody will claim. 🦆
Labor can sit 180 days, then longer by calling the sitting an investigation. The immigrants on those filings got a flight board reading DELAYED. 🦆
Three clumps hit 83 percent, one hit 61, untrained, and Bristol admits nobody knows why. You, with the full-size model, still mouth the words. 🦆
CHINA: One rung above the first bird ever and it already quit, teeth and raptor claw still on. Called it before the sky had finished drying. 🦆
You'll be applauding Halley's dandruff at 41 miles a second. A three-quarter moon hogs the sky till after midnight; go moonset to dawn. 🦆
He rapped on it without being told what it was. Only Wu-Tang could cut a record so secret its own authors needed a podcast to hear it. 🦆
That's the firehose. Read the fine print on anything named after a dead senator, especially the expiration date. File your paperwork before the storm, because the people who sign things afterward are in no hurry. And look up midweek, because the sky is still the only show that doesn't bill you. Tomorrow is National Chocolate Cupcake Day and World Menopause Day. A cupcake is a muffin that hired a publicist, and the calendar scheduling it next to menopause is the calendar admitting it has nothing to offer half the planet but sugar. Whoever laid out that page should be investigated, and then handed a frosted apology the size of a hubcap.
Until next time —
Ya roasted!
— Roastie