Delete the Hell Out of This
Today is National Cat Day, honoring the only roommate who gets a holiday for never once paying rent. It's also National Oatmeal Day, celebrating the breakfast that tastes like a wet apology. Your cat has watched you eat it every morning for years. That's why it looks at you like that.
And now, the part that bites.
"I don't think that I can remain neutral" is the one sentence a central banker is paid never to say, and she used it as her resignation letter. Then she picked an exit date that lets EU leaders name her replacement while Macron is still in office, which is her idea of neutral. 🦆
The fastest growth in a year came with business investment up 12.7 percent on AI spending, while the humans paid $4.23 for gas. The machines had a great quarter. The people paid for it out of the rainy-day fund, because it's raining. 🦆
The hackers' whole case is "they have our information, so it's only fair that we have theirs," and the department whose entire business is the first half of that sentence couldn't lock up the second. 🦆
Taliban Interior Ministry spokesman Mufti Abdul Mateen Qani put remaining cultivation at "almost zero," and the UN put it at 43,300 hectares, so the two estimates differ by about 43,300 hectares. In Helmand more than 90 percent of the poppy was hidden in cereal fields and behind walls, so in fairness to Qani, he can't see it either. 🦆
Lilly's own press release had to note the drug "cannot be legally sold or marketed for human use," a sentence you only write when the humans are already using it. "Research peptide" is what you call a drug when the customer is also the mouse. 🦆
"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."— Steven Wright
Kennedy's own scientists wouldn't call the six safe, so he chose "non-enforcement," which is losing the argument and doing it anyway. He is the patient, the sample size and the guy signing off on the results. Anyone using these should get them by prescription from a licensed compounding pharmacy, not a website. Bobby, a study of one is called a diary. 🦆
Kendrick Gaussoin owes nearly $22,000 for a college that closed in 2016, and the Department's whole defense is "the stroke of a (digital) pen." The other guy signed it, so the student pays. Borrowers whose college closed should apply for a closed school discharge at StudentAid.gov. The GAO counted 246,000 eligible, and the Department is busy arguing about pens. 🦆
Los Angeles County's bats broke last year's record with two and a half months to spare. The virus is ahead of schedule and the federal government is a year behind it. Get the shots right away after any bite or scratch, because they work if started before symptoms, not after a week of googling the bat. 🦆
Anthropic's author line reads "Claude, Anthropic," 14 million tokens and, by its count, no human input, so the first machine to maybe overturn a field also became the first to list its employer. The method only beats brute force past 10^10,000 variables, so even if the pillar fell, no computer on Earth felt it. 🦆
Steven Haddock (ha!) said it "looks like it was created by an imaginative child," which is the warmest thing a senior scientist has ever said about a head you can see through. The sub was headed home when Shannon Johnson shouted stop, and it did, which is more than anyone has ever gotten out of a Roomba. 🦆
That's the firehose. Keep your name off every government spreadsheet, especially the one marked undercover. Vaccinate the dog, then the raccoon, if the raccoon consents. And if a fish with a see-through head can sit for a 4K close-up, you can turn your camera on for the meeting. Tomorrow is National Candy Corn Day, honoring the only candy thrown away by the same people who bought it. It shares the date with National Publicist Day, which is fitting, because somebody got paid to convince you candy corn has fans.
Until next time —
Ya roasted!
— Roastie